Idiot Jokes

Joe signed the receipt for his credit card purchase when the clerk noticed he had never signed his name on the back of the credit card. She informed him that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When Joe asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature he had just signed on the receipt. So he signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one Joe had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

Joe lives in a semi rural area. He and his wife recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on their road because too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn’t want them to cross there anymore.

Joe’s daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for minimal lettuce. He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

Joe was at the city airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which Joe replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” The employee smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”

The stoplight on the corner of Joe’s office building buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. Joe crossed with an intellectually challenged coworker of his when she asked if he knew what the buzzer was for. He explained that it signaled blind people when the light was red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?”

Joe’s same intellectually challenged coworker plugged her electrical power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

And finally, when Joe and his wife arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, they were told the keys had been locked in it. They went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s door. As Joe watched from the passenger side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” he announced to the mechanic, “It’s open.” To which the mechanic replied, “I know—I already got that side.”

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